I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
