omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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