my mouth tastes like poor choices
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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