I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just saw a hot homeless man
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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