No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
