So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
