apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
