probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
