If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
