I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
