And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize