Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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