so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
