you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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