I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
