There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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