Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
