I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
