I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
