Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The air was thick with penises
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
