drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
