3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
