Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
