im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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