she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
