wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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