This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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