Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
