We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
