i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
