As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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