didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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