I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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