Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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