If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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