I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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