sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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