I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
