mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
