I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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