I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
