those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
