So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
