Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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