I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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