He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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