Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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