After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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