you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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