You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
