My nipple is on Facebook.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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