I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize