no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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