shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have post one night stand depression
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