Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
