oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
