I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
