Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
