omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
