Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
