my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
