so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
