"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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