I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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