You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
