a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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