Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
