she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
