First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
