So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
