What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
