if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
