there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
