and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
