Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
